i just want to crawl under a rock and hide for awhile

man since friday i have been sick,gone to e.r, spent time in hospital had a blood transfusion,biopsy,told i have a growth the size of a softball going on,i been trying to get some state insurance to help with cost of hospital and follow up,work has been on my ass to fix shit in my department but dont tell me how i'm suppose to do it,Then yesterday i get an other jury summons( which i postponed again)..guess when it rains it pours but dont know how much more of this i can take.im an emotional and mental wreck since friday(when i went to hospital)..i wish the world would leave me alone for awhile.
All i keep thinking about is when i walk into that doctors office in a few weeks my life can change forever i could be told its cancerous(its probably not but what if it is). dont know if i can handle that. i keep flashing back to that day mom walked into the house, hugged us and told us she has cancer and is going to die. Fuck man i need a drink.

last few days

so i have been feeling pretty bad last few days..well Friday i was at work still feeling like shit but i had some intense sharp stabbing pains in my gut felt like i was gonna pass out. well it got so bad i told Gina take me to the er there's something wrong.. so we told management and left work and went. well first thing they tell me is my blood count was half of what a normal person should have. so i got a blood transfusion right there. they pumped in like 3 bags of blood took the rest of the day on Friday to complete this.it only brought my levels to a 9 normal person has a level of 12 when i walked in my level was a 6,they told me i was in red flag danger zone kinda low. then i was severely dehydrated. had 4 bags of fluids pumped into me at same time. i had tubes and iv lines all over my arms. then they had to take blood it felt like every couple of hours. so they had to find veins to do that which was difficult. the last time they took blood they took from my wrist on the arm i had an iv tube thing in and she blew that vein out. i have a huge knot they say if it doesn't go down by Monday i have to go back in cause they say it might be a big clot..at one point it was golf ball sized..anyway they also did tests and scans like crazy. they found 2 fibroids on my uterus one is softball size and was twisting around causing the pain and the huge loss of blood i had. once they found out mom passed away from cancer they decide to do a biopsy of uterus wall to see if there is cancer or pre cancer going on.. they say they dont think there is but to be safe because of family history...so in a few weeks i go back to discuss the results. they got me on a bunch of stuff to stop the bleeding if that doesn't work they are talking removal of my parts. lol..they kept asking me do i ever want to have kids and shit like that. we got to hospital friday around 2pm and left sat night around 7-8pm..gina stayed the whole time with me.. felt bad for her she looked like a zombie by time we got out of there. everyone kept coming in our room saying i heard we had identical twins in here..im thinking seriously not now..lol..so cross fingers all goes well with biopsy and that i can keep things in check with all these meds they got me on. oh when gina called work friday night to check in with them to let them now whats was going on..they gave me the weekend off have to be back on monday..how much does that suck...lol..

they what?

our brother told us something funny tonight...he told us that we were baby Sasquatches that our parents found us in the woods took us home, shaved us down and called us their own..lol..he says our first words were goonie - ga ga..arent brothers great...lol.

ipod photos part3

ipod photos part2

More pics

ipod photos

photos taken with ipod..i would put them in an album and share them through picassa but im having trouble with that program right now.

work

i got promoted at work..i will be the new department manager in produce. i sign the papers and everything this Friday so i start next week( at my place of employment the first day of the work/pay period is Saturdays..weird huh..lol)..
in previous post i made the remark that the department manger told me he thought i was gonna take his job..guess i did..feel kinda bad about it.. they demoted him down to sales floor in a different department. the last couple of days him working in produce someone let it slip that i was taking over and he told me. well the next thing is he starts singing in the back room chuckies got a gun( instead of Janie got a gun..his name is Charles that's y he said chuckie)i just kinda laughed it off with him but i was thinking hes gonna come back here and shoot me or something.lol.. then yesterday( his first day after being demoted) he comes over and talks with me about stuff and all of sudden was like watch out i went to church yesterday to try and deal with all of this..something is off with this guy it seemed like that from day 1 of me being there. i hope this guy doesn't snap and come looking for me you know.i dont think he will but u never really know your co-workers do you...lol..